Friday, November 13, 2009

Camp Superlatives!

The Friday the 13th films... I am unable to view them subjectively anymore. I've seen them too many times to know if they suck, or are works of art. Regardless, here I pick some of my favorite moments and characters to award superlatives to.

Worst "Cool Guy" Who Totally Misses the Mark: Andy (Friday The 13th Part 3)
Andy is dopey, annoying, and has the dumbest haircut ever. We're supposed to like this guy?

Best Original Story Element: The Jason Hunter
(Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter)
He's the big brother of Sandy (Friday the 13th Part 2) and he's planning revenge.

Best Jason: Friday The 13th - The Final Chapter
Jason is relentless in this movie. He shows up where he's not expected, he plays dead, and he runs!

Weirdest Character: This Guy
(Friday The 13th Part V: A New Beginning)
This guy has no reason to be in the film other than to hike up the body count...and be a perv.

Cutest Camp Couple: Jeff & Sandy
(Friday The 13th Part 2)
These two can't seem to stay out of trouble, but we love 'em anyway. Their truck gets towed, they almost get arrested, they get dead.

Best Law Enforcement Official: Sheriff Tucker
(Friday The 13th Part V: A New Beginning)
It's awesome that this film FINALLY features a sheriff that ACTUALLY believes that Jason IS the killer...except that Jason is NOT the killer.

Worst Impression of a Teenager: Victor J. Faden
(Friday The 13th Part V: A New Beginning)
How was this guy cast as a teenager?! It just doesn't make any sense...

Most Uncomfortable Moment: Tie "I've got something real neat to show you up in my bedroom!" and "C'mon, climb up Miss."
Mrs. Jarvis is okay with Tommy taking strangers up to his bedroom. Maybe that is the root of all his emotional problems later on, and not Jason...
And Enos, the Dirty Old Man with the roamin' hands.

Scariest Moment: "He's Killing Me!"
(Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter)
It's dark. Trish can't see what's going on except that the Jason Hunter has bitten off more than he can chew. The way he screams makes the whole scene.

Best Red Herring: Steve Christy
(Friday The 13th)
Before anyone knew about Jason Voorhees and the 10 sequels and 1 remake, I bet everyone in the theater totally thought this guy was the killer.

Best Campfire: Friday The 13th Part 2
This is the best version of the Camp Crystal Lake back story I've ever heard. It's suitably creepy, totally effective, and ends with a laugh.

Best Town Crazy: Ralph, the original "Prophet of Doom"
(Friday The 13th & Friday The 13th Part 2)
Who else could it be? There are a few more characters like this in the series, but no one else get's to yell "Its got a death curse!"

Best Kill: Tie: Marcie (Friday The 13th) and Fox (Friday The 13th Part 3)
These are both brutal murders. Marcie's because you get to watch it as it happens, and see her character reacting to the situation. Fox's because you see the aftermath and think "How the crap did that happen?!"

Biggest Douche: Tie: Ned (Friday The 13th) and Scott (Friday The 13th Part 2)
It's so painful to watch every other character in the movie become increasingly annoyed with Ned. And Scott is so confident, but for seemingly no reason. I can't be alone in my dislike of these characters, can I?

Best Final Girl: Ginny Fields
(Friday The 13th Part 2)
Smart, funny, beautiful. Ginny is the best Final Girl of any slasher movie...ever.

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